In Minnesota, a step-parent is permitted to adopt their spouse's child if the parental rights of the other parent have been terminated. Termination may occur voluntarily, or involuntarily. Voluntary termination involves agreement to facilitate the adoption, while involuntary termination involves a court order following a finding of abandonment.

One of the biggest reasons second marriages end in divorce is conflict between step-parents and children from the previous marriage. If you want your blended family to succeed, foster a positive relationship between the kids and the step-parent. Consider implementing the following tips and ideas:

1. Create a culture of respect. The family unit can’t get along as a unit unless the individual members love and respect each other. To foster those feelings, allow the step-parent some one-on-one time with each child, so everyone can get to know each other better. Schedule a half-hour outing for the step-parent and step-child each week (a trip to the ice cream parlor, a shopping spree, or a trip to park).

2. Buckle in for the emotional roller coaster. Children experiencing major life transitions are emotional. Allow the outbursts to occur. Instead of reacting, make eye contact, and listen to the child vent. Even small things like dropped candy bars and routine activities can be frustrating. Learn to listen to the frustrations (and the deeper needs and feelings behind them) without feeling like you need to fix them or alter coping strategies.

3. Get it off your chest – constructively. Parents and step-parents need to vent, too. Find a confidante outside the family (e.g. a therapist or a patient friend) to work through your own feelings about what’s happening. Don’t complain about the ex or your parenting frustrations in front of the children.

4. Participate in activities that unite the family. You don’t want to leave anyone out. Blended families face challenges when parents and their biological children go off together to do their own thing. That can be great for their relationships, but if the step-parent can never be included in your activities together with your children, tension will inevitably follow. Relieve that tension by finding things all of you can do together.

5. If possible, involve the other parent in solutions. Too many times, parents and step-parents speak negatively about the other parent in front of children. That badmouthing will cause unnecessary tension and even lead to charges of parental alienation. If the other parent isn’t meeting your needs, involve him or her in a solution. Empty complaining won’t make your situation better. And, again, keep negative, derisive comments about the other parent to yourself and away from the children.

Ask your family law questions in a private consultation with one of our Minnesota family law attorneys by calling 763-323-6555 today.

As a proud step-parent, you care dearly for your spouse’s children, and your relationship with them is likely rich, enduring and full of love. Whether you recently married into the family, or you’ve been functioning as a family unit for over a decade, you’d like to explore the possibility of legally adopting your stepchildren. Before you initiate the process, however, you need to learn more about what it entails. What are the benefits and risks? What mistakes do other step-parents make, and how can you avoid them?

Below, we catalogue the myths and realities of step-parent adoption.

Step-parent Adoption Myths

1.    You can’t adopt without the biological parent’s consent. A lack of consent can delay the adoption, but it will not necessarily prevent it. Depending on circumstances, the court can agree to hold a hearing to determine grounds for termination of parental rights, such as emotional unfitness, felony records, long-term addictions and abandonment of the children.

2.    The process takes years to finalize. For stepparents, the process is often fairly quick, and it can be finalized within two months if both biological parents agree with the decision. Even when the biological parent does not want his or her parental rights terminated, a court ruling on the matter might happen fairly swiftly if, for instance, you can convincing show that he abandoned the family.

3.    The stepchildren must agree to the adoption. In Minnesota this is true if the child is 14 years old or older. Obviously, the process will go more smoothly if everyone is on board, but the courts do not require younger children’s approval.

4.    The stepchildren will easily adjust to the new family dynamic. The transition can be challenging, especially if the non-custodial parent protested or if the divorce between the two biological parents led to a drawn out battle over money or complex court proceedings.

Step-parent Adoption Realities

1.    The biological parent abdicates rights. By agreeing to the adoption, the biological parent gives up all parental rights and responsibilities, including requirements to support the children financially. (One exception: the parent owes child support in arrears.)

2.   Minnesota courts require a background check of adoptive stepparents. A qualified family law attorney can give you guidance on preparing for this step in the adoption process.

3.    Addressing emotional issues with children can help them through the adoption process. Here’s an excellent article from WebMD about what you can do to create conditions for solid family relationships. In particular, you and your partner might find it resourceful to identify common ground: “All the parents need to discuss their methods — rewards, punishments, chores, allowances, bedtimes, homework — and come to an agreement about the rules,” says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. “The transition is much easier if the parents are in accord. If something happens you haven’t discussed, just defer to one parent, and work it out later.”

4.    A family lawyer can help expedite the adoption. You case may involve complex paperwork, sensitive negotiations, court appearances and technical issues.

Step parent adoption is the most common forms of adoption in Minnesota. It involves a three-part process.

First, the parental rights of the biological father are terminated. Usually this is done on a voluntary basis, although in some instances and involuntary termination of parental rights will be necessary.

The court will not grant a voluntary termination of a father’s parental rights unless mother’s new husband is ready to adopt the child.

An involuntary termination of parental rights is appropriate when the biological father will not consent, but there is an adequate statutory basis to terminate. The statutes in this area have recently been amended, and some additional opportunities for an involuntary termination have been created.

Once the termination process is complete, the next phase of a step parent adoption involves drafting the adoption paperwork. The relevant pleadings include not only a petition for adoption, but also affidavits from the parties. Proposed findings for the court to sign will accompany a certificate of adoption and request to amend the birth certificate of the minor child.

This complete package of pleadings, and other information, is then filed with the court administrator.

The third phase of the step parent adoption involves court approval of the adoption itself. Unlike a traditional adoption, the county will conduct a rather minimal background check concerning the step parent. Once this process has concluded, the court administrator will notify the parties, and the judge, that the matter is ready for hearing.

The final hearing is relatively straightforward. The parties, along with the child, will appear in court, and answer some simple questions about the request for the step parent adoption. Photos and celebration usually follows.