Being involved in a high conflict divorce is extremely stressful, and can make the divorce process long and painful. Ideally a divorce can be quick and painless  -and resolved amicably. That is not the case in a high conflict divorce. This term refers to a couple that creates a war among themselves, that will create long-term effects.

Many individuals involved in creating a high conflict divorce have been found to have a narcissistic personality disorder. This means they see themselves as superior to their spouse and have little regard of the others feelings. As one can imagine this creates chaos during the negotiation proceedings of a divorce.


  1. If you are are involved in a volatile situation, it is best to avoid contact keep your communication with your spouse to a minimum. You cannot reason with a high conflict personality. If you have to communicate through email or texting, do so minimally. Keep your opinions out of communication and be straight forward. If you have to meet your spouse make sure it’s in a neutral place.
  2. Keep your feelings to yourself. Do not engage your spouse with your feelings. If you have to talk about your feelings, do so with a therapist, or family and friends you can trust.
  3. Prepare for the worst. Dealing with a narcissist, for example, can be emotionally exhausting. Even so, you must prepare that your divorce could take months to resolve. Do not make assumptions that your spouse will make this easy on you. Be prepared for anything and everything that could happen or things your spouse will do to accuse you and manipulate you.
  4. Document everything. Any communication you have with your spouse make sure is documented. Save texts, emails, voicemails. Records like this can come in handy when you appear in court.

We always advise “taking the high road.” In the long-term, that approach will pay off. Do your very best to work through counsel rather than directly with your conflict-natured spouse.