Minneapolis Divorce Attorney & Lawyer : Minnesota Family Law Firm : Brown Law Offices : St. Paul, Twin Cities MN

Under Minnesota law, the parties, or the court, can seek the appointment of a parenting time expeditor as part of a divorce or paternity proceeding. Parenting time expeditors can save the parties time and money by keeping parenting time disputes out of the court system entirely. No attorney to pay. No motion filing fee to pay. No two-month waiting period to speak with a judge.

A parenting time expeditor works to resolve parenting time disputes by interpreting and enforcing an existing court order. Some parties never use the expeditor, even if appointed, because no conflicts arise. Others use them once. Still others...quite regularly.

Expeditors are supposed to first mediate disputes between parents. If the parents are unable to come to an agreement on their own, the expeditor issues a written decision.

Once a dispute is brought to the attention of the expeditor, they expeditor will meet with the parties in a relatively short period of time - often the same day, by telephone.

If a decision is required of the expeditor, it must be consistent with the existing order. In other words, an expeditor does not have the authority to create new schedules or conditions of visitation.

The decision can include an award of compensatory parenting time, along with an award of attorney's fees and costs. The opinion must be written and mailed to each party, and is subject to review by the district court if either party requests a hearing. Usually the expeditor's decision is subject to "appeal" to the district court for a period of 14 days. Thereafter, the right to have the matter addressed by the court is extinguished.

Either party can move the court to remove the parenting time expeditor, but must show "good cause" for doing so. Such a feat can be rather difficult, but tempting to those who are not happy with the decisions of the expeditor.

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Eric Solotoff, a certified matrimonial lawyer based in Roseland, New Jersey, recently featured an article from the Daily Record surrounding a post-decree parenting time dispute between a mother and father. Here's how ugly (and downright silly) things can get sometimes:

Ruling against a divorced father's wish that his daughter help him celebrate his birthday, a judge in Morristown Thursday said the child should have the rare chance to spend that time as a bridesmaid at her godmother's wedding.

Mother Cortney Hooper of Dover took her ex-husband, Steven Miller, to Superior Court to have a judge decide how their 10-year-old daughter should spend Friday night, even though it encroaches on Miller's visitation time.

Though Miller and his lawyer, Jamie Berger, argued that this weekend belonged to Miller and that his family planned a Friday night celebration for his 35th birthday, Superior Court Judge Mary Gibbons Whipple said she believed the little girl should have the experience of wearing a special dress and shoes and eating the cake and hearing wedding music.

 Saying she didn't mean to diminish the importance of a child celebrating a birthday with a party, Whipple nonetheless said the wedding experience — and accompanying her bridesmaid mother down the aisle — would be unforgettable for a little girl.

Addressing Miller directly, the judge asked: "Do you really want to say 'no dress, no cake, no wedding, no bridesmaid, no band? You have to go to my birthday party.' Do you really want to take that away from her?"

Miller said he hadn't asked his daughter her preference, but that his time with her is precious and his family will be heartbroken that she won't be present at his party. Miller did get to see his daughter on his actual birthday, April 7, but the party was planned for Friday.

"A birthday party happens every year. A wedding is once-in-a-lifetime," Whipple said.

Read Solotoff's post here. Find the full article cited by Solotoff here. The more entertaining part of this are the comments read by paper readers. Find them here.

What do you think?

Appears to me neither the mother, nor the father, hold all the blame. The lawyers representing them at the time of the divorce should have put language in their divorce decree to cover such a situation - especially if, as it seems, it was a high conflict case.

In the cases we handle, we include specific provisions relating to special days (such as holidays, birthdays and family events) that a child may experience. We also build in a hierarchy so there is no question about whose parenting time trumps whose. For example, "life events," such as a wedding or funeral, take priority over birthdays. Birthdays and holidays take priority over vacation time. Vacation time takes priority over routine access time. Cut and dry.

Of course, the pessimist will ask, "What if you have a funeral and a wedding on the day?" Our clients typically agree to language that requires them to defer to a parenting time expeditor. A parenting time expeditor is a neutral professional who is given authority by the court, and parties, to make parenting time decisions that are consistent with a divorce decree. If either party dislikes the decision, they have a right to appeal to the district court.

The Minnesota statute concerning the appointment of a parenting time expeditor may be found here.

Here are some key things to keep in mind about parenting time expeditors:

• Parenting time expeditors are not required to be utilized, but courts strongly encourage them.
• The benefits in using a parenting time expeditor include prompt attention to a particular conflict (immediate, instead of six weeks, or more, to see a judge) and the avoidance of attorney's fees and court costs.
• Parenting time expeditors are usually an experienced matrimonial lawyer or former social worker or custody evaluator.
• The parties usually split the cost associated with the expeditor, and give the expeditor the authority to allocate costs based upon the reasonableness of the parties to a particular dispute.
• Parenting time expeditors have their own special retainer agreements and will often require a retainer fee placed into a trust account in order to render services.

Even if the parties haven't agreed to use a parenting time expeditor, or have agreed but haven't named one in their divorce decree, some of the best expeditors our clients have worked with include: Kim Brandell, Andrea Niemi, Carol Vander Kooi and Elizabeth Shading. Each have a little different style and are worth considering.

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There are two types of custody in Minnesota: physical and legal. A parent may receive sole or joint custody. A non-custodial parent will likely receive an award of parenting time. The "best interests of the child" governs these issues.

In examining the best interests of a child, the Court will examine 13 criteria, including:

• The wishes of the child's parent or parents as to custody;
• The reasonable preference of the child as to custody, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient age to express preference;
• The child's primary caretaker;
• The intimacy of the relationship between each parent and the child;
• The interaction and interrelationship of the child with a parent or parents, siblings, and any other person who may significantly affect the child's best interests;
• The child's adjustment to home, school, and community;
• The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity;
• The permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home;
• The mental and physical health of all individuals involved; except that a disability of a proposed custodian or the child shall not be determinative of the custody of the child, unless the proposed custody arrangement is not in the best interest of the child;
• The capacity and disposition of the parties to give the child love, affection, and guidance, and to continue educating and raising the child in the child's culture and religion or creed, if any;
• The child's cultural background;
• The effect on the child of the actions of an abuser, if related to domestic abuse that has occurred between the parents or between a parent and another individual, whether or not the individual alleged to have committed domestic abuse is or ever was a family or household member of the parent; and
• The disposition of each parent to encourage and permit frequent and continuing contact by the other parent with the child.

Legal custody grants a parent the right to have a role in the educational, medical and religious decisions made on behalf of a child. There is a presumption in Minnesota that parents should be granted joint legal custody. This presumption may be overcome, however, by demonstrating that such an award does not serve the best interests of a child (if, for example, a parent experiences significant mental illness or has played no role in the life of a child).

Physical custody refers to the day to day physical location of children. The presumption in Minnesota is that one parent should have sole physical custody and the other should be awarded an appropriate amount of parenting time with the children. This presumption may be overcome, however, by demonstrating that such an award does not serve the best interests of a child - usually by showing that the parents have each played a significant role in a child's upbringing, get along relatively well, communicate respectfully with one another, have no history of domestic abuse and intend to remain living in close proximity (within the same school district) of one another. Some judges are much more open to an award of joint physical custody than others.

If one parent is awarded sole physical custody of a child, the other will typically receive an award of parenting time. Very often, such an award involves spending time with the children every-other weekend, one or two evenings per week, half of all holidays and non-school days during the academic year, and a number of weeks of uninterrupted vacation time during the summer months.

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From Alaska to Georgia to California (and now Minnesota) family law bloggers across the country have endorsed a useful new online tool to answer that age-old question: Where should we meet for our parenting time exchange?

A lot of fanfare, but stick with me.

The parties have divorced. Mom lives in Minneapolis while dad has relocated to Anoka. They agree to share transportation, but neither wants to drive more than the other. The answer rests at Meetways.com.

Meetways was established in August 2008 to help people easily find a halfway point between two locations. According to their website, they wanted to find a way that friends, colleagues, and business associates could quickly and conveniently find a place to meet between their locations. Divorce lawyers have found a great use for it too.

Free of charge and way too easy to use (just type in the respective addresses and it gives you a midpoint), check out Meetways.com if you must know precisely where to "meet in the middle."

Sources for this post: Alaska Divorce Blog, Georgia Family Law Blog and the California Divorce Blawg.

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The Ohio Divorce Attorneys with Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues author the popular Ohio Divorce & Family Law Blog. They recently posted a useful article entitled "What is Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome?"

Attorney Robert Mues notes that there are a number of different factors and circumstances that have an effect on the determination of custody. As in Ohio, Minnesota judges must consider a number of relevant factors when determining the best interest of a child. One of those factors includes whether either parent has continuously and willfully denied the other parent’s right to parenting time or visitation as ordered by a court.

While visitation denials may be relatively easy to prove in court, that alone doesn’t amount to parental alienation. It is not uncommon for some amount of alienation to occur when parents first separate. Usually, the alienation subsides after the parents’ transition through the separation and move on with their lives. In some cases it doesn’t, and instead it continues and escalates to what has become referred to as “Parental Alienation Syndrome.”

This disorder was first identified by Richard A. Gardner, a forensic psychiatrist in the mid-1980s, who defines it as:

Mues accurately points out that there are three stages of parental alienation syndrome. These stages include mild, moderate and severe. In a mild case there are naive alienators and the perpetrator can be educated and changed. However, in a severe case the perpetrator is often delusional and their entire being is focused on destroying the other parent’s relationship with the child. Experts must be brought in to prove the alienation and, more importantly, to assist the child in gaining an accurate perspective on things.

Having handled many custody disputes involving parental alienation syndrome, I can honestly say that they are, by far, the most difficult and raw of all family cases. At the end of the day, the parent who engages in parental alienation behaviors is committing an act of abuse upon a child. The caselaw in Minnesota on this issue is rather undeveloped. But, like so many psychological theories and concepts, the public, and the courts, are becoming much more familiar with the syndrome and consequence of parental alienation.

There are some experts and jurists who have criticized the concept of parental alienation syndrome, calling it "inadmissible junk science." This author, however, questions how many times they've actually experienced and dealt with the conduct described by Gardner. Parental alienation syndrome is very real (no matter what you call it) and is an example of a parenting at its lowest and most neglectful level.

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We've posted a number of entries concerning the benefits of settling a divorce as opposed to litigation. Even if you need to litigate, more than 95% of cases will settle before trial.

The following settlement checklist will come in handy as you attempt to figure out if you've got all of your bases covered:

1. Legal Custody: Joint or sole legal custody?
2. Physical Custody: Joint or sole physical custody?
3. Routine Access Schedule: Where will the children be on a given day?
4. Vacation Access Schedule: How many weeks of uninterrupted vacation time with the children?
5. Holiday Access Schedule: Who do the children celebrate with in a given year?
6. School-Year Breaks: Where will the children spend spring break or President's Day, for example?
7. Telephone Contact: What are the rules concerning communication with the children by phone?
8. Transportation: Who will transport the children for parenting time exchanges?
9. Basic Child Support: What is the amount of guideline support to be paid?
10. Medical/Dental Child Support: Who will insure the children and how will uninsured costs be allocated?
11. Child Care Support: How much will each parent pay for daycare?
12. Security for Support: Should one or both parents secure life insurance, naming the other as beneficiary for the benefit of the children?
13. Income Tax Exemptions: Who claims the children on their income taxes?
14. Spousal Maintenance/Alimony: How much and for how long?
15. Medical Insurance: Will each party cover their own?
16. Marital Property: What is a fair and equitable way to value and divide marital property?
17. Non-Marital Property: Does the holder of a non-marital interest retain that interest?
18. Pre-Separation Debts: How is the marital debt divided?
19. Post-Separation Debts: How are debts accrued after separation divided?
20. Fees and Costs: Will one party pay, or each responsible for their own attorney fees and costs?
21. Name Change: Does either spouse wish to change their name?
22. Ongoing Conflicts: Will the parties agree to mediate or use a parenting time consultant if future problems arise?
23. Documents: Do each agree to execute all paperwork necessary to transfer property interests?
24. Non-Disclosure: Does the court retain the ability to re-open the case if it is revealed that one party has hidden assets from the other?

Naturally, there are many other issues that will need to be addressed, but the 24 items listed above will give you a general framework for discussion.

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If you and your spouse cannot reach agreement on the legal and physical custody of your child, your matter is probably headed for trial. The court will be left to determine what is in the "best interests" of your child through the use of a custody evaluation and report. About 95% of the time, the court will adopt the evaluator's recommendations - unless you have a strong advocate who knows how to challenge their conclusions.

Here are a few ways to discredit the custody evaluator at trial:

1. Bias. In personal injury cases, the insurance company will hire a doctor to examine the injured. Insurers pay thousands of dollars (now you know where your premiums go) to certain doctors who are prone to rendering an opinion favorable to the insurance company. These "independent" experts are often discredited by the plaintiff's lawyer bringing out the hundreds of prior opinions these physicians have rendered against injury victims. The same holds true in family court. Most custody evaluators have years of experience and have rendered hundreds of opinions. If there is consistency in those opinions, they carry a bias. Certain experts are prone to rendering certain opinions. Make the court aware of the bias of the evaluator and the recommendations may be discredited.
2. Diligence. We've cross-examined custody evaluators who have spent less than an hour in the presence of our client and the children that are the subject of the action. How much can anyone learn about a familial situation in 60 minutes of observation. What if the kids were having a tough day? What if the parent is nervous about the scrutiny of the evaluator? What if the dog won't stop barking? Think of it as a movie. If someone stopped "Titanic" before the ice berg and never watched the ending, they'd think everyone arrived safely in New York and wouldn't know the whole story. Evaluators are busy people. That haste can be taken advantage of.
3. Qualifications. Just who is the evaluator in your case? Do they have Ph.D.? How many evaluations have they conducted? Who are they employed by? What is their degree in? Have they been subject to an action for malpractice or ethics complaints? Disciplined by a professional board? Are they a licensed psychologist? All of these questions go to the foundation of the expert's opinions. Get them disqualified as an expert and the court cannot rely on their recommendations.

These same techniques can be used to discredit other court-appointed custody experts, such as a Guardian Ad Litem. No kidding - we had case in which the adverse Guardian had a degree in art history and failed to spend a single moment with our client in the presence of our client with the children (despite a statutory requirement that she meet with the parent in the presence of the children in the relevant home). We attacked her opinions on all three of the grounds referenced above.  

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When the dust settles from your divorce, you may find new problems on the horizon. As lawyers, we work very hard to draft a parenting time schedule that is concrete and detailed to avoid any ambiguity or need for interpretation. Inevitably, however, parenting conflicts arise. Enter the parenting consultant (or parenting time expeditor) if you and your ex can't resolve your dispute.

A parenting consultant is part mediator and part arbitrator. They can listen to parents and facilitate discussion, but also possess decision-making authority. Most are experienced family practitioners or child psychologists who work primarily in the area of parenting dispute resolution.

Parenting consultants offer the following benefits:

• Good decisions;
• Fast decisions; and
• Cheap decisions.

Most parties agree to employ a parenting consultant as part of their divorce decree and appreciate the ability to turn to someone with decision-making power with a simple phone call (try doing that with a judge) in the absence of ongoing legal fees. Most agree that the decision of the consultant is binding and may only be modified with an appeal to the court within 14 days from the decision. Parties typically split the cost of the consultant.

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The Minnesota Judicial Branch has published an exceptional brochure entitled "From the Judges of Family Court: What to Expect...Divorce in Minnesota." In reviewing, it appears to serve as a "reality check" for the litigants. Much of it I endorse. Here is some of what the Court has to say:

A divorce can be a painful and difficult experience, but if you understand the functions and limitations of the legal system, the process becomes less frustrating. It is our hope, as Judges of Family Court, that this pamphlet will give you a better understanding of the process, and help you get through your divorce with realistic ideas and goals.

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Depending upon the facts and legal issues involved in your divorce, a number of experts may play a role in your case, including a home appraiser, actuary, custody evaluator, business appraiser and vocational assessor.

The most common expert we employ is a home appraiser. In most cases the most valuable asset for division is the marital homestead. If one party elects to remain in the homestead we must calculate the equity in the house to determine the value of the property settlement. Naturally, the first step to establishing equity involves the determination of the market value of the property.

A typical homestead appraisal costs around $350. They take approximately one (1) week to complete. Many clients ask if a realtor’s market analysis can substitute for an appraisal. If the parties agree, a market analysis is sufficient. However, a realtor’s market analysis does not hold the same evidentiary weight as a certified real estate appraisal. For that reason, the appraisal is usually preferred.

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Our attorneys were recently involved in a very contentious family law situation involving a request for grandparenting time. Our firm represented the paternal grandparents of two children, ages 9 and 5. The mother and father of these two boys both contested the request of the grandparents for a court order that would compel grandparent visitation.

Our argument to the court was that the grandparents had “stepped into the shoes” of the father, who was an admitted alcoholic. Despite the fact that the grandparents had spent substantial amounts of time with their grandkids, mom and dad disputed their continued involvement in the lives of the children and wanted all time spent with the grandparents to be supervised.

Our clients were awarded one full weekend a month with the grandkids and additional time to take their grandchildren on vacation. None of the time was required to be supervised. This award was quite substantial, given the fact that most non-custodial parents are typically ordered to receive two weekends per month of parenting time, along with one weekday evening. The court clearly recognized that the stability of the children was critical in this case and that this ongoing relationship served their best interests.

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Depending upon your point of view, you may or may not appreciate the fact that Minnesota law contains a presumption of sole physical custody. So many potential clients ask about that. I don't believe it is a question of whether the standard will change, but when the standard will change – based upon recent legislative activity and the progressive approaches that have been taken at the Hennepin County Family Justice Center in Minneapolis.

Fellow Minnesota divorce blogger Gerald O. Williams has published a nice article about the status of a bill in the 2008 Minnesota Legislature that relates to a modification of the sole physical custody presumption to a presumption of joint physical custody in divorce cases. The legislature has opted to refer the matter for a study.

This is certainly not the first time the legislature has looked at the issue. Part of the recent child-support reforms that were discarded was a new presumption of joint physical custody. It is evident that there are many, both in the public at large, and in the legislature, who believe it is time for a shift in thinking on this issue.
 

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A host of implications follow the issuance of an Order for Protection in Minnesota when a marital dissolution action is pending or will be filed.

Marriage dissolution petition. A petition for dissolution of marriage or legal separation must allege whether an OFP that governs the parties or a party and a minor child of the parties is in effect and, if so, the district court or similar jurisdiction in which it was entered.

Custody disputes. In a proceeding where two or more parties seek custody of a child, the court must consider and evaluate all relevant factors in determining the best interests of the child. One of the relevant factors set forth in Minnesota law is the effect on the child of the actions of abuse that has occurred between the parents or the parties. When joint legal or physical custody is contemplated, the court must consider whether domestic abuse has occurred between the parents. If domestic abuse has occurred between the parents, the court must apply a rebuttable presumption that joint legal or physical custody is not in the best interests of the child.

Parenting plan. Upon the request of both parents, a parenting plan may be created in lieu of an order for child custody. A parenting plan must include a schedule of time each parent spends with the child, a designation of decision-making responsibilities, and a method of dispute resolution. The court may not require a parenting plan that provides for joint legal custody or the use of dispute resolution processes (other than the judicial process) if the court finds that either parent has engaged in acts of domestic abuse or child abuse. In determining custody, a court must consider a finding under the Domestic Abuse Act or under a similar law of another state that domestic abuse has occurred between the parties.

Parenting time. Upon the request of either parent, the court must grant parenting time on behalf of the child and parent to enable them to maintain a parent-child relationship that will be in the best interests of the child. If the court finds, however, after a hearing, that parenting time is likely to endanger the child’s physical or emotional health or impair the child’s emotional development, the court must restrict parenting time and may deny parenting time entirely, if the circumstances warrant. If a parent requests supervised parenting time and an OFP is in effect, the judge or judicial officer must consider the OFP in making a decision regarding parenting time.

Modification of parenting time. If a parent specifically alleges that parenting time places the parent or child in danger of harm, the court must hold a hearing at the earliest possible time to determine the need to modify the order granting parenting time. The court must modify an order granting or denying parenting time whenever modification would serve the best interests of the child. Parenting time may not be restricted unless the parenting time is likely to endanger the child’s physical or emotional health or impair the child’s emotional development or the parent has chronically and unreasonably failed to comply with court-ordered parenting time.

Additional parenting time to provide child care. The court may allow additional parenting time to provide child care while the other parent is working, subject to reasonableness and the best interests of the child. In making this determination, the court must consider whether domestic abuse has occurred between the parties.

Move to another state. If a parenting-time order is in effect, the court must look at the effect of domestic abuse on the safety and welfare of the child and the parent when considering a request from a parent to move a child to another state. The burden of proof is upon the parent requesting the move, except that if the court finds that the person requesting the move is a victim of domestic violence, the burden of proof is on the parent opposing the move.

Custody and parenting time of children to unmarried persons. A proceeding by a father whose paternity has been recognized under Minnesota law to petition for rights of parenting time or custody may not be combined with a proceeding under the Domestic Abuse Act. Also, a petition by certain other individuals (e.g., grandparents or a person with whom a child has resided) for visitation rights may not be combined with a proceeding under the Domestic Abuse Act.

Participation in a parenting plan when a person is convicted of certain offenses. If a person seeking child custody or parenting time has been convicted of an applicable crime, the person seeking custody or parenting time has the burden to prove that custody or parenting time is in the best interests of the child. This provision applies if the conviction occurred within the preceding five years; the person currently is incarcerated, on probation or under supervised release for the offense; or the victim of the crime was a family or household member. In these cases, the court may not grant custody or parenting time to the person unless it finds that the custody or parenting time is in the best interests of the child. Also, if a person who has court-ordered custody of a child or parenting-time rights is convicted of an applicable crime and no action is pending regarding custody or parenting time, the sentencing court must refer the matter to the appropriate family court or action. The family court must:

• Grant temporary custody to the noncustodial parent, unless it finds that another custody arrangement is in the best interests of the child; or
• Suspend parenting-time rights, unless it finds that parenting time with the convicted person is in the best interests of the child.

Proceedings under this law must be expedited. The defendant has the burden of proving that continued custody or parenting time is in the best interests of the child. If the victim of the crime as a family or household member, the standard of proof is clear and convincing evidence.

Temporary orders and restraining orders. A temporary order in a proceeding brought for custody, dissolution, legal separation, or related matters may not vacate or modify an order granted under the Domestic Abuse Act restraining an abusing party from committing acts of domestic abuse. Upon proper motion the court may, however, hear a motion for modification of an OFP concurrently with a proceeding for dissolution of marriage.

Guardian ad litem. In all child custody, marriage dissolution, or legal separation proceedings in which custody or parenting time of a minor child is an issue, the court must appoint a guardian ad litem if the court has reason to believe that the minor child is a victim of domestic child abuse or neglect. The guardian ad litem must represent the interests of the child and provide advice to the  court on custody and parenting time.

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In a proceeding for an OFP under the Domestic Abuse Act, the court may provide the following relief, upon notice and hearing:

• Restrain the abusing party from committing acts of domestic abuse;
• Exclude the abusing party from the dwelling which the parties share or from the residence of the petitioner;
• Exclude the abusing party from a reasonable area surrounding the dwelling or residences
• Award temporary custody or establish temporary visitation with regard to minor children of the parties on a basis which gives primary consideration to the safety of the victim and the children;
• Establish temporary support for minor children or a spouse and order the withholding of support from the income of the person obligated to pay the support;
• Upon request of the petitioner, provide counseling or other social services for the parties, if married, or if there are minor children;
• Order the abusing party to participate in treatment or counseling services;
• Award temporary use and possession of property and make other orders regarding property;
• Exclude the abusing party from the place of employment of the petitioner or otherwise limit the abusing party’s access to the petitioner at the petitioner’s place of employment;
• Order the abusing party to pay restitution to the petitioner;
• Order the continuance of all currently available insurance coverage without change in coverage or beneficiary designation; or
• Order, in its discretion, other relief it deems necessary for the protection of a family or household member, including orders or directives to the sheriff or constable.

Relief that is granted by the order is for a fixed period of time, not to exceed one year, except when the court determines a longer fixed period is appropriate.

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Divorce is a stressful, significant occurrence in the life of all who are involved. The impact of divorce upon children cannot be ignored. Reputable divorce attorneys, and, more importantly, the Court, will put the interests of the children at  the top of the priority list.  Here are a few key points and suggestions to keep in mind as you move forward:

Keep Communication Open With Your Spouse/ Former Spouse. As long as children are involved, you and your former spouse will have to work together. Your children will suffer to the degree that you and your former spouse cannot communicate or cooperate.

Get Professional Help To Deal With Your Emotions. Please do your best to keep emotions out of the case. Your feelings of anger, pain, and betrayal are understandable, but expressing them inappropriately in court may interfere with your ability to provide a judge with the information they need. If you have trouble with the hostility, anger, or depression that often occurs in divorces, don’t hesitate to get counseling to help you through it. A good counselor can help you, and your children, get through this difficult time and avoid having the anger become counterproductive.

Encourage and Support Parenting Time. If you are the custodial parent and the court has ordered parenting time between your children and your ex-spouse, you have a duty to encourage parenting time. You must do more than just stay out of the way or leave the choice to the children. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently and to enjoy the contact. Never use support or parenting time as a lever or bargaining chip in dealing with the other parent. However, if mental health, chemical dependency, abuse or other issues arise and you think your children are not safe with your ex-spouse, seek professional advice on what to do.

Give Your Children a Chance. The way you and your spouse handle your divorce will have an enormous impact upon your children. If you argue and fight, their problems and pain will be magnified. By acting reasonably, you can help your children through one of the most difficult events of their lives.

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