Minneapolis Divorce Attorney & Lawyer : Minnesota Family Law Firm : Brown Law Offices : St. Paul, Twin Cities MN

Michelle O'Neil, a divorce attorney with O'Neil Anderson in Dallas, Texas recently posted about an app she helped create for the iPhone: Divorce Cost & Preps. She writes:

CNN Headline News featured the Divorce Cost & Prep iPhone App created by Dallas Divorce Lawyer Michelle May O'Neil and Fort Worth CPA Bryan Rice. The story originally ran on CBS11 in Dallas on Wednesday night, but by Friday The Morning Express with Robin Meade Show on CNN HLN picked up the story and it spread throughout the US and the world.

According to O'Neil, the app serves two purposes. First, a person contemplating divorce can assess the hidden and direct costs of divorce, such as the cost of providing two houses, two wardrobes for the children, or transportation costs for exchanging the children between houses. Second, the app gives divorce clients a list of information and documents to gather for their lawyer to assist preparation of their divorce.

Divorce Cost & Prep is available on iTunes for $4.99. Lots of apps for lawyers to use, but only a limited number geared toward clients. Congrats to Michelle and Bryan for their creative success.

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In December of 2009, Minnesota Judge Stephen Halsey (chambered in Wright County) launched his Minnesota Family Law Issues Blog, a terrific resource for both lawyers and litigants. As I understand, Judge Halsey's blog is the first of it's kind in Minnesota (from the judiciary). His unique perspective provides an interesting addition to the exchange of family law information online - including podcasts.

Judge Halsey's post entitled Post-Decree Modification of Maintenance: Pension as Income or Property caught my attention as I was reviewing the posts of others today. Judge Halsey writes:

A recent unpublished Court of Appeals decision, Hemp, 2010 WL 1657024, is worthy of review by family law practitioners and judges as it considers once again which portions of a maintenance obligor's pension may be considered as income or property when a motion to modify maintenance is brought. The Court discusses Lee, 775 NW2d 631 (Minn.2009), which held "a district court may include in its calculation of an obligor's ability to pay maintenance the portion of an obligor's monthly pension payment exceeding the amount the obligor is entitled to receive each month as marital property."

The Court of Appeals in Hemp approved the district court's apportionment of the monthly pension benefit between what is marital property and what is not. The district court, however, erred in its interpretation of the valuation method used in the original dissolution decree.

I think one lesson to be learned is that counsel and the court should make detailed findings of fact in the original decree as to the valuation method agreed-upon by the parties or as ordered by the court so that such method is clear to the court hearing post-decree motions on maintenance.

In a good number of the cases we handle, the issue of spousal maintenance is front and center. From my perspective, the most important part in settling a maintenance claim involves agreeing to a specific timetable for payment. A client may pay a bit more than they like, but the fact that there is a cap on their future liability is usually worth it. The benefit to the recipient? These timetables usually accompany a non-modifiable (even if their ex's income drops significantly) maintenance award.

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Some parents choose to use their child as a weapon during divorce. Experts agree, it will inevitably come back to haunt the parent who does so - and might just destroy a kid's well-being.

The good news is that most know better and do the right thing. They understand that there are productive ways to help kids through the dissolution process. Ben Stevens, a 15-year divorce lawyer in South Carolina (and editor of the South Carolina Family Law Blog), recently cited an article that addressed how to help children adjust during period of marital dissolution. He offers the following tips: 

1. Make sure your children understand that they are not the reason for the divorce. Keep the explanation simple, 'your mother and I can no longer live together happily. You need to know that this has nothing to do with you. Your mom and I both love you very much and nothing will change that.'
2. Take care when discussing litigation. Your children do not need to know the sum and substance of all legal documents, depositions, and proceedings. If you and your spouse are unable to decide the issue of custody, you may wish to offer a simply explanation like 'a judge is going to decide the time you will spend with your mommy and daddy because we both love you very much and can’t agree.'
3. Allow the children to love both parents. Create an environment where the children can be free to love both parents. If you cringe or change the subject when your child brings up Daddy’s name, you may be sending a message to your child that you do not approve of his or her relationship with your ex.
4. Do not send messages through your children. If you are unable to communicate by any means with your ex whether in-person, by phone, or e-mail, you may wish to consider co-parenting counseling or request a parent coordinator.
5. Do not say disparaging things about the other parent in front of the children. Judges will expect you to be supportive of the children’s relationship with their other parent
6. Be supportive of your children’s activities. If at all possible, take your children to their activities when it is “your time.” On the other hand, be respectful of the other parent’s time with the children. It’s difficult to look supportive of the other parent’s relationship if you always schedule well-visits during the other parent’s time.
7. Use good judgment before introducing your children to someone you are dating. Introducing your children to someone that you have just met or are just beginning to know can be confusing and even detrimental to your children.
8. Take the high road when possible. This may sound contrary to the advice you might expect from a divorce attorney. However, when it comes to things like schedule changes, sometimes it is better to give a little even if the favor isn’t always returned. In the event the matter goes to court, it is always better to be perceived as the parent who is flexible and cooperative.

I agree with Ben, and would add that anyone who suspects their child is having a difficult time should contact a good family therapist as soon as possible. There are many excellent professionals in our area that we can recommend. I find parents (whether a client or an opposing party) often waiting  too long to deal with the serious issues their kids face during divorce. Feelings of fault, hatred toward a parent, sense of loss and fear of rejection are just a few of the signs to watch for.

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