Parenting Time & Adolescents: Guidelines from the Minnesota Supreme Court
The Minnesota Supreme Court has published a set of recommendations concerning parenting time. These are not binding legal authority, but take into account all facets that must be examined in determining what a "good" parenting plan involves. Here is what the Court has to say about parenting time and teenagers:
Developmental Tasks
During the early stage of adolescence, children continue the process of establishing their identity and self-worth. Through this process, and with guidance from their parents, they establish a sense of self in relationship to the rules and regulations of society. Adolescents also begin the process of separating from their parents, during which they may mourn the loss of childhood, dependency, and protection within the family. During this stage, adolescents gain academic and/or athletic prowess, make and sustain friendships, continue the process of gender identification, and begin to explore intimate relationships.
During the later stages of adolescence, young adults continue the process of establishing their independence. They continue the development of loyal friendships, begin to develop a work ethic, and begin to develop aspirations. Young adults also continue the process of gender identification and management of sexual impulses. Adolescents need the support and involvement of both parents. Adolescents may be embarrassed or angry about their parents' relationship. They may begin to have doubts about their own relationships with family members and peers, causing them either to focus too much on relationships or to withdraw from relationships. Adolescents may also inappropriately act out by using drugs or by engaging in sex or other unhealthy behaviors to attain a sense of belonging.
Parenting Time Considerations
It is important for parents of adolescents to maintain the child's accessibility to school, peers, extracurricular and community activities from both homes. It is also important for each parent to consistently apply the family rules of their own household.
Adolescents may need to be with friends more than with their family and, therefore, may resist a rigid parenting time schedule. Parents will need to exercise greater flexibility, adapted to the increasing ability of the child to take care of his or her own needs. There will also need to be greater flexibility adapted to the child's preferences -- an adolescent should not be forced to comply with a parenting time schedule about which the child had no input. To accomplish this, parents should consider the child's wishes and decide parenting time issues with the child.
Many adolescents benefit from a primary home base, with specific evenings, weekends, and activities at the other home scheduled on a regular and predictable basis. Other adolescents, however, may be comfortable spending equal time with each parent, including up to two weeks at each residence. Adolescents may be comfortable with one to three weekends of parenting time per month, depending upon the child's schedule, distance, and capacity to travel. The noncustodial parent should maintain contact with the child's teachers and attend the child's performances and other important events. Parents who live far apart should establish, with input from the child, a permanent schedule with some built-in flexibility.
What Parents Can Do to Help
Parents of adolescents can help by:
- Developing a parenting time schedule by working with the child;
- Establishing a predictable schedule that is flexible enough to allow for the child's activities;
- Consistently applying family rules and expectations; and
- Avoiding the assumption that a child's mood swings or behavioral acting out is caused by the other parent.
